Late, but who cares?

So I guess I'm just gonna be one of those girls..

one of those girls who anticipate the wonderful news of becoming pregnant...

but never getting the joy of celebrating the moment.

or at least that's how I feel when I'm in my darkest moment...

that's how I feel today. and yesterday.

I love how every symptom can mask as 'you could be pregnant, take a test to be sure'

I love how every test, whether $15 or $1 (they all work the same) says negative.

I love how I can sit here today, 4 days late, and know it's not gonna happen this time...

I love how I have been two weeks late before and had every symptom and yet NO, not this time.

Sorry this may come across as self loathing, boring, even attention-seeking...IT's NOT.

I just need you to know that this jolly, friendly, upbeat, positive and outgoing person occasionally has a 

moment of self pity, doubt and just plain pissed off feelings towards this aspect of my life.

I believe that God will grant me the desires of my heart, there's no doubt about that.

I believe that it will all come in His time.

I believe that the moment it happens will be the most perfect timing that I can't even fathom when it will be at this point.

I believe all these things, yet I still have moments like I am having now.

I am thankful for the current answered prayers I have in my life.  There really are, too many to list.

One specifically, is that I made the local derby fresh meat team.  

I want to be in the best shape of my life, and believe that derby is the way.

I want to be in the best shape of my  life, so I can be proud.

I want to be in the best shape of my life so when that miraculous moment does happen, my body will bounce back better than it would today.

I want to be in the best shape of my life, so I can teach my lil bundle how to do the same.

So don't assume that the woman you see in the grocery store, at the park, at the beach, at the mall or even your neighbor is such a good mom spending time with her children...she could be just like me, the kids could be on loan from her amazing family and friends.

So don't assume that the woman who is a housewife is a mom, she may just be an awesome wife, sister in law and momma to pets, like me.

So don't assume that the woman who children are drawn to and that is outside playing with kids all the time, must have children of her own, she may be just like me.

So don't assume that the next time you're late, that you're pregnant...you could be just like me and on the waiting list.

Late, but who cares?

I do.

From Scratch, what does from scratch mean Miss Kelly?

It's been just about a year since I quit my last job, assistant manager at TJ Maxx, but everytime I cook I 

think of one of the associates I managed, we'll call her Ingrid...I've changed her name for two reasons:

1. I can't remember it right now

2. Just in case she finds me on fb or blogger...lol

Ingrid and I worked together a lot and I would chat with her about my life outside of TJ Maxx because I couldn't stand working there...anything to separate myself from people thinking the only thing I did was work was well worth it...hah

So, we would discuss cooking, the beach, etc...one day I told her I was so excited I had made lemon bars for the first time..mmmm  I used a box mix the first time, it was decent.  Then, the next week I decided to try it from scratch, my favorite way to cook, and they were AMAZING!! Since then I have adjusted the recipe for lime and organge bars, as well...mmm. 

Anyhow, I told Ingrid of my new found lemon bar recipe from scratch and she didn't understand what I meant by scratch...

"from scratch, what does from scratch mean, Miss Kelly?"

So, I explained and she thought I was something incredible...Hah! Here's the recipe for those that are interested (I have some adjustments that I've done, so msg me and I'll give em to ya)

Ingredients

• 1 cup butter, softened
• 1/2 cup white sugar
• 2 cups all-purpose flour
•  
• 4 eggs
• 1 1/2 cups white sugar
• 1/4 cup all-purpose flour
• 2 lemons, juiced

• Directions

  1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
  2. In a medium bowl, blend together softened butter, 2 cups flour and 1/2 cup sugar. Press into the bottom of an ungreased 9x13 inch pan.
  3. Bake for 15 to 20 minutes in the preheated oven, or until firm and golden. In another bowl, whisk together the remaining 1 1/2 cups sugar and 1/4 cup flour. Whisk in the eggs and lemon juice. Pour over the baked crust.
  4. Bake for an additional 20 minutes in the preheated oven. The bars will firm up as they cool. For a festive tray, make another pan using limes instead of lemons and adding a drop of green food coloring to give a very pale green. After both pans have cooled, cut into uniform 2 inch squares and arrange in a checker board fashion.
  
  

  Nutritional Information 

  Amount Per Serving  Calories: 126 | Total Fat: 5.8g | Cholesterol: 37mg

SOOO I am inspired, yet again!! I am going to make a list of other things that I have made by scratch and things I plan to make by scratch:

Things I have made from scratch:

ground meat..i don't trust the stores anymore!

Breadcrumbs

Meatballs

noodles

Pasta sauce

marinara sauce

Lemon Bars

Gnocchi

jam

ice cream

bread

pizza dough

and so much more....

Things I PLAN to make by scratch real soon:

butter

hummus
sausage

more pasta (need to perfect the process)

pickles

my mind is blank...the possibilities are endless..

Summer is over.

the warmth is gone.

long days are numbered

fall is near.

leaves are changing

winds are cooling

snow is coming.

the seasons are changing....