Late, but who cares?

So I guess I'm just gonna be one of those girls..

one of those girls who anticipate the wonderful news of becoming pregnant...

but never getting the joy of celebrating the moment.

or at least that's how I feel when I'm in my darkest moment...

that's how I feel today. and yesterday.

I love how every symptom can mask as 'you could be pregnant, take a test to be sure'

I love how every test, whether $15 or $1 (they all work the same) says negative.

I love how I can sit here today, 4 days late, and know it's not gonna happen this time...

I love how I have been two weeks late before and had every symptom and yet NO, not this time.

Sorry this may come across as self loathing, boring, even attention-seeking...IT's NOT.

I just need you to know that this jolly, friendly, upbeat, positive and outgoing person occasionally has a 

moment of self pity, doubt and just plain pissed off feelings towards this aspect of my life.

I believe that God will grant me the desires of my heart, there's no doubt about that.

I believe that it will all come in His time.

I believe that the moment it happens will be the most perfect timing that I can't even fathom when it will be at this point.

I believe all these things, yet I still have moments like I am having now.

I am thankful for the current answered prayers I have in my life.  There really are, too many to list.

One specifically, is that I made the local derby fresh meat team.  

I want to be in the best shape of my life, and believe that derby is the way.

I want to be in the best shape of my  life, so I can be proud.

I want to be in the best shape of my life so when that miraculous moment does happen, my body will bounce back better than it would today.

I want to be in the best shape of my life, so I can teach my lil bundle how to do the same.

So don't assume that the woman you see in the grocery store, at the park, at the beach, at the mall or even your neighbor is such a good mom spending time with her children...she could be just like me, the kids could be on loan from her amazing family and friends.

So don't assume that the woman who is a housewife is a mom, she may just be an awesome wife, sister in law and momma to pets, like me.

So don't assume that the woman who children are drawn to and that is outside playing with kids all the time, must have children of her own, she may be just like me.

So don't assume that the next time you're late, that you're pregnant...you could be just like me and on the waiting list.

Late, but who cares?

I do.